Weekly Weigh-In

Last night was my appointment. After making some changes this past week in some of what I ate and the way in which I was working out I was please. Down 2 pounds. Better...much better. Heck at this point I will take any loss I can get. I am really REALLY sick of bouncing around and going back and forth. Some more changes this week. Apparently I need to keep my body guessing. This week I am doing a "Heavy Week" as my trainer called it. I am going to add weight to everything and see how well I can do. I predict muscle soreness.

I found a good article on WebMD about moving through a weight loss plateau. http://www.webmd.com/diet/features/10-ways-to-move-beyond-a-weight-loss-plateau
Not that I have a lot a readers, but this blog is really more for me and if anyone finds this stuff interesting so be it :-)

The good news is (now bare with me this is going to sound weird), I am starting to feel hungry more often again. That normally means my metabolism is starting to hum along again, so yay for that. Hopefully it continues to show.

Onward and downward! (Weight Watchers is at least good for their cheesy sayings) :-)

What have you done today?

This season of Biggest Loser is the first season I have watched from start to finish and I LOVED it! I will watch this show from now on for as long as it airs. I wish I would have watched the previous seasons. This morning the theme song popped into my head. I am terrible with remembering words and I was thinking it was "What have you done today to make me feel proud?" I wanted to look up the words to the song and it turns out I was wrong. The chorus is :

What have you done today to make you feel proud?
It's never too late to try
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
You could be so many people
If you make that break for freedom
What have you done today to make you feel proud?

I think it is funny that I mistook the "you" for "Me" and it makes a huge difference. Also, it is so indicative of probably my major flaw. I think I may have mentioned this before, but I am a pleaser...I never want anyone upset with me, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, I want to do what I think other people want me to do, I don't let others know when I am upset (an issue after you've been through a life altering loss) and I don't like to say "no" to people (don't worry I can "Just Say No" to life harming things...but anything else probably not. *my mom will agree with all of the above - I think she recognizes this more than anybody* This mindset makes me worry, loose sleep and has most definitely lead to weight gain for me. After Aaron's death the one thing I did get a lot better at was saying no. I just learned I couldn't do as much as I used to and I think I still do better with that. I pick and choose the things I really want to do and was thinking that fixed the issue, but the whole need to please thing is still there.

Okay, so tangent over and back to my point about the song. I thought the words were "What have you done today, to make me feel proud" when in fact they are "What have you done today, to make YOU feel proud". As I said before it's a big difference. This whole weight loss thing need to be on MY terms, to make MYSELF feel proud. I don't have to do this to make other people proud. More importantly, I can tell people what I can and can't eat and not just eat whatever they set in front of me. I can make the decisions of what I put in my mouth. I'm not going to rock any boats by refusing to eat something or bringing my own food somewhere. I don't have to go out to restaurants with people...maybe invite them over for a game night instead. I may have said all this before, but I feel like I need to keep reminding myself.

Oddly enough a one word misunderstanding may have just given me a major break through. From now on I am going to do something everyday that makes ME feel proud!

My proud moment from yesterday: I ran on the treadmill (alternating walking and running) and then hit the elliptical can got 35 min. of cardio in. Even if I got home a little later than normal, Josh was fine waiting for me for dinner and did not mind a bit!

Getting my mojo back.

So, it's been a lot longer than I have intended between posts. What can I say, it was May. I was in a funk dealing with all the emotions that go along with the late April through early June. I find myself wondering how many years this is going to happen. I guess the answer would be indefinitely. Will it get better? I am sure it will get easier, but it will probably always be there. Starting last week I felt like I was getting glimpses of my "normal" self *insert joke about how NOT normal I am here* After a good night of sleep on Saturday I was feeling like myself again. Josh even noticed right away. It's odd...just as fast as the fog comes over me it can be gone.

I kept the eating and exercise up pretty well throughout the month *dare I say I am developing good habits?*. Of course throw a bout of shingles and a vacation into the mix and it's a recipe for disaster. Luckily, I was only a couple pounds up and it is coming off again *hopefully as I type this*. I've been bouncing back and forth, BUT now I have my mojo back and I am ready to rock this thing. According to my trainer last night this funk may have been well timed. He said after so many weeks going at it hard you body will just need a break and I have had some time off (when I had shingles then followed by 1 week of vacation). Both times I got back into it as soon as possible. Regardless, I am BACK baby!

GAME ON!

Weekly Weigh-In - May 5

Okay, so it was a rough couple weeks, but I got through the walk and Aaron's Birthday and it wasn't so bad. May continues to be a rough month in general, but I have until the 31st before I get hit by the anniversary of his death. I think in certain aspects I am doing better than last year and some are worse. I seem to be more weepy this year, BUT this is the first year in a couple that I have not been on meds. I do have a herbal supplement that my chiropractor recommended that does help a lot and I can take it only when needed so that is good. On the plus side on Aaron's birthday after going to the memorial garden where his ashes were put and then out to lunch I actually did something for ME and went to the gym. That is something I can PROMISE you I have never done in the past and it actually felt very good. I am glad to be able to say that on May 31st (the anniversary of his death) I am going to be on vacation at the beach no less and it should be a very nice peaceful place to be.

Anyway, back to the subject at hand. I had a small bit of a plateau and small gain during the past two weeks, BUT thankfully this week I am right back on track! In fact I lost 5 POUNDS this week. I really needed that. I was feeling pretty down on myself and that focused me right in again - so woo hoo for hard work and good timing. Hopefully the losing keeps coming.

Weekly Weigh In - April 22

Well, my first 12-weeks of the program are officially up. Now for the grand tally...I have lost 28 lbs. and 6% body fat. NOT TO SHABBY! My reward...a new work out program - what else! For all your hard work....here's some HARDER work. Just kidding. I am looking forward to it. Starting this week I am doing 5 weight workouts per week and at LEAST 6 cardio. I know you are all SO jealous. The catch with the weights is that is is one body part per day so it should not take me as long...good right? Sure, but because my weights won't take as long I am expected to up my cardio. Phew....I am tired just thinking about it.

So now I am officially on my 2nd 12 week session. We set a goal of another 30 lbs and 8% more body fat. If I make that goal I will be in the acceptable range for body fat. AMAZING! I know I can do this. I can taste it...(Wait does that cost me calories???)....maybe I should just SMELL it.

Like Clockwork

Well, it all started up again yesterday. It's amazing how I can actually forget what it feels like. My mom reminded me that every year for the past 2 years it starts right around the 15-16. The 16th is when I started getting sick and it seems that my body does not want to let me forget it. It's not like I am in a full on depression my comes in other forms. I get crabby and FORGETFUL!!! That's my first clue is the forgetfulness. Yesterday I left the house sans lunch, purse AND sneakers (which I did not realize until I got to the gym and got changed). At that point I had pretty much had enough of everything and opted to go home and have some "me" time. I know I made the correct decision. I feel MUCH better today.

I am getting myself back on track here and as much as I'd like to eat chocolate and go home and curl up on the couch at the end of the day I am not going to do it. I am going to power through all of this and keep on my routine, because I know I can this year. I don't think I could have said that the past two years - so I guess that is progress.

Weekly Weigh In - Catching up

Okay, so I did not weigh in today (thank goodness)...but I have not posted after my last two. I am slacking I know. So the last two weeks resulted in a 2 pound loss and then a 1.5 pound loss. I am sitting right at 29.5 pounds lost. I was hoping that this week I would hit 30, but I have a feeling Easter may have different plans in store for me. I did really good up until Friday. Decided to take a little break on Saturday and then started getting back on track on Sunday (notice I said STARTED!). Regardless, today I am back baby.

It reminds me of what a previous Weight Watchers leader once said. "It's a holiDAY...not a holiWEEK." But it was HOLY week which could be mistaken for holiWEEK....I digress. I really only had about 1.5 days "off track", but my off track now is a LOT different than previous off track. I used to get off track and head straight for a derailment. Not this time. Full focus starts again today.

Still heading into a very emotional time of year (see Baby on Your Six blog). I have been okay so far, but feel like I am waiting for that major breakdown. It's almost starting to feel weird that it hasn't come yet. I guess that is a good thing. Not that this makes a whole lot of sense to anyone but me (or those that have been there), but sometimes me NOT being upset makes me MORE upset. Ugh! I can't win. But, I am doing this without meds this year and feeling better about myself overall. Hopefully the exercise will continue to be my way to get my emotions out.