Thursday Thoughts - One good choice leads to another - and vice versa

There is a commercial on television right now where they talk about how "one good choice leads to another." I am not sure who it is for, but I know they show a woman eating a healthy breakfast vs. grabbing a doughnut and then the choices the rest of the day. The healthy breakfast leads to a salad for lunch, a run after work and a good sensible dinner. The doughnut leads to pizza at lunch, drinks after work and chips on the couch while watch tv...or something like that. You get the picture, right?

That commercial really struck a cord with me and since I am journaling my food, I am going to really pay attention to choices that lead to better/worse choices. I think it could be interesting.

Thursday Thoughts - It's funny how these things happen

A slight deviation from weight loss per say, but I think this may be a "Jillian Michael's moment for me...you know when you realize what' s been bothering you for so long, you didn't even know what it was.

So, about 2 weeks ago I was having what I will call a "Strong Moment" and I pulled out Aaron's scrapbook with the intention of finishing it. I have been about 8 pages from finishing for about a year and a half. I was having a hard time finishing. How do you scrapbook a death? A life cut short. But I got it out and worked on it. Then VBS week came and I was busy. So last night, after my appointment with my therapist I decided to finish it. It had already been an emotional couple of days for me so I figured I might as well just go for it. August 4th was Aaron's original due date and while I don't think about that date too much, it sometimes creeps up on me.

So, last night I finished....and I cried. I now have this beautiful think that I made that tells the story of his life - and his death - the WHOLE story. I didn't take to time to look through it from cover to cover yet (it was late and I wanted to wait until today to do that), but I know what I put in it. As I said to Josh, it made me realize something. Everything that happened, to me and to him happened the only way it could happen. I did ALL I could do for him, while I was pregnant and afterwards. The doctors did all they could do for him (and for me). The nurses did all they could do. Our friends and family sent us SO much love and support. Everyone gave all they could give. There truly was nothing I could have done. All the guilt, the what ifs....I realized it doesn't matter...never really did I guess (but I think I needed to go through all of that). It is what it is and some really wonderful things have come from that.

Feeling for the first time in over 4 years that I can let go of some of the guilt and start to treasure all the memories that I do have and will continue to have in the future (as we continue to do things to honor his memory). He is not physically with us any more, but nobody can ever take away what I do have. I think there is still a bit of a process, but as I wrote in my journal last night...maybe, just maybe I can start to truly like myself again.

Thursday Thoughts - Mostly non-weight/diet related

I am becoming darn near obsessed with the scale and making sure it's moving. This tends to be NOT good. I think about it a lot anyway...I just don't need to think of it non-stop. So here are my thoughts today and I am keeping it non-weight/diet related...

1. I am so ready for a nice 3-day weekend and some time away. Hoping it gives me so time to not worry about everything.
2. I often wished we owned instead of renting - that was until today when I found out they need to replace our A/C unit and I found out how much one of those things cost. OUCH! Glad it's not my expense for once :-)
3. We are currently working reduced hours at work (not working Fridays and NOT getting paid). It sucks for sure, but with some careful budgeting and planning I have made it work just fine and I have to say, there could be worse things that Fridays off during the summer. Look, if nothing else I am trying to stay somewhat positive about all of this. With Josh laid off and me on reduced hours/pay we have gotten to spend more time together and I am having a lot of fun with him. We are finding free or very low cost ways to entertain ourselves.
4. My goal for the week is to be more positive in general. I am surrounded by some very negative people in my professional life and I am sick of it quite frankly. I figure if I try to be more positive *see #3* maybe I can give off positive vibes and not have so much negativity in my life.

That's all! :-)

Thursday Thoughts

In an effort to try to post more, (because: a). It keeps be motivated and b). I am a scrapbooker and like to remember things. Since I would probably not ever do a diet scrapbook, this will be my way of remembering this journey), I am trying to post more than just one time a week. Sometimes I have things to say and other times there is just not a lot going on. So Thursday is going to be my day for just random observations - notes to self if you will. Maybe I can come up with other clever things to do other days of the week. We'll see. Anyway, without any further ado...my Thursday thoughts:

1. I am wearing a t-shirt today (yes I can wear t-shirts to work, i normally don't, but there are 2 of us here today and no clients coming in). It is a size lower that what I normally wear. It is tighter than what I normally wear (not too tight though) and I actually am comfortable and I like the way it looks on me. Note to self: Buy clothes that fit tighter - it allows me and others to see my progress better than hiding in my clothes :-)

2. I think I am actually losing some belly (which is why #1 might be occurring as well). That is a very hard thing to judge. I need to take another progress picture soon. When I loose 5 more lbs I will do just that (in my tighter fitting clothing)

3. I feel really good right now. Motivated again and out of the May fog that seems to be an annual occurrence. Eating all my meals and snacks and doing so properly. I like this feeling. It is a feeling of being in control of me. Even today after only getting maybe 3.5 hours of sleep I feel good and I am still going to the gym.

4. Being in control of me and what food enters me translates into being control of other things in my life - also a contributing factor to number 3.

I think that's all my thoughts...for this week at least. Can't give 'em all away at one time!