Nikki's Weighing In

Wednesday Weigh-in - Postponed

2010-08-25T13:00:00.000-04:00

Somehow this week got away from me. I am not sure why. It's been a bit of a wonky week. Mom and Dad had to go out of town for my great-aunt's memorial service. I only worked half a day on Monday and then worked a couple hours at home. Everything has just been off schedule. Anyway, I forgot to weigh in this morning and then forgot to weigh in right after work and then we went to the fair. I was NOT weighing in AFTER the fair (be honest would YOU???)

Anyway, I do think it's okay to take off a week here and there and have considered doing bi-weekly weigh-in's. I may have mentioned this before, but I am a VERY sensitive to feedback (good AND bad). This is why I CANNOT do daily weigh-ins. If I have a good weigh in I stay very motivated and am happy. If I have 1 bad one I decide to just give up. Not good. I will take a look tonight, but may not count it as official. That's the other thing. It's better if it's "Not official" ...and yes I know only I can decide that it's official or not. Ugh! I feel like I am always pulling tricks on my brain. Whatever works I guess.

We did walk out to the fair tonight which was a positive - especially since I did not get my workout in. Now I have to do Thursday - Sunday, but I think I can handle that. I post Thursday thoughts Thursday evening and give a quick "Unofficial" weight report ;-)

Tuesday Accountability.

2010-08-24T12:12:00.001-04:00

Well, this post is a little different since I am missing last Tuesday and my goals are missing from last week. I am just going to give some general statements on my accountability and then make some new goals.

I haven't really gotten into doing a daily t0-do list. I need to decide to just do it and not wait until I have things to do. There is always something to do. Even if it's the same list everyday, go to work, workout, straighten up etc. I am going to make this a goal again. In general things are going well, but I start to fall into a comfortable zone and then sometimes find things starting to slip BACK in. I need to watch that.

So my goals for this week:
1. Give the To-DO list a serious shot. Make one daily.
2. Workouts - get them all in.
3. NO SODA- you really would be amazed how quickly this creeps back in. Darn soda.
4. One morning walk. Just one - try it - maybe you'll liiiiiiike it.

Monday - This Blog has a case of the Mondays

2010-08-23T13:02:00.001-04:00

Ugh! So, I lost a Monday - Thursday last week. Something weird was going on with Blogger. I contacted them. They were going to recover Friday's post and get today's up eventually. I think it should all be fixed. What a pain. Oh well, I know I don't have THAT many readers anyway, this is all really for my own healing.

Anyway, the weekend was great. We had a wonderful time with friends and I really did not overdue it on the junk food this week. In fact we took a long walk around the campus and then on Sunday morning I got up and worked out BEFORE we went out for lunch. I find the more I can do to just get me in a health mindset from the very beginning of the day the better the whole day goes. I think I could benefit greatly from getting up early to exercise, but I am SO not a morning person. I am debating even just trying for a 20-30 minute walk 2-3 times a week in the morning. Something I need to think about a little longer.

Well, here's to a good week!

ETA: I did not feel great today. I had something weird going on with my eye and was very light sensitive. I came home from work a little early. It took me until 8:30 to decide to go do my workout, but I did and that was a huge accomplishment for me. Yay!

Photo Friday - Celebrations

2010-08-20T12:24:00.000-04:00

Lots to celebrate this weekend. Our 6th wedding anniversary and a reunion with some college friends. I have a plan in place. Saturday lots of fruit and veggies at the reunion and Seafood for our Anniversary and perhaps share a dessert with my honey. CHEERS!

Photo Friday - Just say NO!

2010-08-13T12:30:00.000-04:00

After my post yesterday I was looking at my journal and realized one bad choice that ALWAYS seems to lead to another is SODA. So, I am really putting all my effort into JUST SAYING NO. The bad thing is I really do just love it sometimes. Maybe sparkling water will satisfy that craving?

Thursday Thoughts - One good choice leads to another - and vice versa

2010-08-12T12:30:00.000-04:00

There is a commercial on television right now where they talk about how "one good choice leads to another." I am not sure who it is for, but I know they show a woman eating a healthy breakfast vs. grabbing a doughnut and then the choices the rest of the day. The healthy breakfast leads to a salad for lunch, a run after work and a good sensible dinner. The doughnut leads to pizza at lunch, drinks after work and chips on the couch while watch tv...or something like that. You get the picture, right?

That commercial really struck a cord with me and since I am journaling my food, I am going to really pay attention to choices that lead to better/worse choices. I think it could be interesting.

Wednesday Weigh In - Baby Steps.

2010-08-11T12:30:00.000-04:00

Well, today was my weekly weigh in. Officially I am down 4 lbs. I was thinking to myself after weighing-in. Four down - TOO more to go. Then I was sad that was my first thought. 4 lbs. is something to be proud of. I know others on the weight loss journey that would be thrilled to have a 4 pound weight loss. So, I had an idea that I got from my friend. Don't worry about the BIG picture. Just focus on losing 10 pounds. Then I can loose 10 lbs as many times as I need or want to. Once I do it once, I'll just start over. It seems much less daunting.

It's kind of crazy to me how much is involved in losing weight. It's part will power, part math (calories in vs. calories out), a lot psychological, part physical. It really takes a lot of time a commitment.

Accountability Tuesday - Making a list and checking it twice

2010-08-10T12:00:00.000-04:00

Please note: yes, 3 postings came up today. Friday, Monday and Today. I was posting them incorrectly. It's all fixed now.

So below is my list from last week - notes on how I did are in red.

1. Keep a food journal - every day. I can't expect to succeed if I don't know exactly what I am eating. Not great. I made good choices and measured portions, but didn't write it all down. Journaled 2 days. Needs Improvement.

2. Think long and hard before I eat anything that is not on my plan and make it a conscience decision - not a random choice. Make the appropriate adjustments. On a scale of 1 to 10 I give myself a 7 on this. I am definitely becoming more conscious. I would have previously given myself a 5 or below depending on the week, so I count this a success.

3. Make a plan for camping this weekend. The food issue is SOMEWHAT out of my hands - but I can control portions and take some fruit etc. with me to make sure I stay on track as best I can - offset any fall backs with a walk or a swim. My plan was to take produce and I did. I also got in some swimming and a couple walks. I think I did pretty well. S'mores are still evil. I would give myself 7/10 on this as well. Next time will be better.

4. Get it all of my workouts and complete week one of Turbo Jam I give myself a gold star in this. Got it all done. Woo hoo.

So for this week. Here are my goals.

1. Journal every day. Food journal and my other normal journal. This is very VERY important to this process. This will be a perma-goal.

2. Get all my workouts in. Complete week 2 of turbo jam and do at least one bonus workout on the weekend. Get up early and walk at least 2 mornings during the week.

3. Make a daily to-do list. I have heard this can be a very motivation tool. I would like to give in a try.

Manic Monday - Weekends...always a challenge

2010-08-09T12:00:00.000-04:00

Why do weekends always have to be such a challenge. I will fully acknowledge that they are great fun and what I look forward to all week, but man, they just get me so out of sync. I think summer weekends are even worse. We just seem to do so much more over the summer. Vacations, camping etc. Everyone thinks summer is this wonderful time to loose weight but, I do not think that is the case. In fact I know I read an article about how it is decidedly NOT the case. Summertime means vacations, ice cream, camping, picnics, parties, cold beer etc.

I guess when it comes right down to it, it's just hard work in general. No time of year is any easier than another. It's just a mind set. I need to just make my mind up and follow Nike's advice - Just DO it! That's what I'm going to do this week - Just do it. If I'm really good it will just catapult me right through the weekend.

Photo Friday - A camping we will go

2010-08-06T12:00:00.000-04:00

So we're getting ready to go camping. Maybe if I look at this picture enough I can convince myself that one of these babies is enough. I need a healthy alternative to s'mores :-)

Thursday Thoughts - It's funny how these things happen

2010-08-05T13:04:00.004-04:00

A slight deviation from weight loss per say, but I think this may be a "Jillian Michael's moment for me...you know when you realize what' s been bothering you for so long, you didn't even know what it was.

So, about 2 weeks ago I was having what I will call a "Strong Moment" and I pulled out Aaron's scrapbook with the intention of finishing it. I have been about 8 pages from finishing for about a year and a half. I was having a hard time finishing. How do you scrapbook a death? A life cut short. But I got it out and worked on it. Then VBS week came and I was busy. So last night, after my appointment with my therapist I decided to finish it. It had already been an emotional couple of days for me so I figured I might as well just go for it. August 4th was Aaron's original due date and while I don't think about that date too much, it sometimes creeps up on me.

So, last night I finished....and I cried. I now have this beautiful think that I made that tells the story of his life - and his death - the WHOLE story. I didn't take to time to look through it from cover to cover yet (it was late and I wanted to wait until today to do that), but I know what I put in it. As I said to Josh, it made me realize something. Everything that happened, to me and to him happened the only way it could happen. I did ALL I could do for him, while I was pregnant and afterwards. The doctors did all they could do for him (and for me). The nurses did all they could do. Our friends and family sent us SO much love and support. Everyone gave all they could give. There truly was nothing I could have done. All the guilt, the what ifs....I realized it doesn't matter...never really did I guess (but I think I needed to go through all of that). It is what it is and some really wonderful things have come from that.

Feeling for the first time in over 4 years that I can let go of some of the guilt and start to treasure all the memories that I do have and will continue to have in the future (as we continue to do things to honor his memory). He is not physically with us any more, but nobody can ever take away what I do have. I think there is still a bit of a process, but as I wrote in my journal last night...maybe, just maybe I can start to truly like myself again.

Weekly Weigh-In - the scale - weight loss tool or pure evil?

2010-08-04T12:26:00.002-04:00

So, since I am just getting into this tonight when I get home I will be doing my first weigh-in. I know kind of where I was a week or so ago, but tonight's number will be my baseline going forward. I am also going to take some basic measurements tonight. Sometimes, when the scale just isn't moving those measurements can be a good motivational tool. Those I probably need to take every month....not weekly so much.

So, I go back and forth between hating to weigh in and weighing ever single day. Seems to me a happy medium must be struck. So I will just do it weekly...no more and NO LESS! See when I start working out I seem to think that the weight will just fall right off of me like melting butter....it doesn't seem to work that way though in my experience. When I do weigh in daily there are days that appear to be GREAT and days that one glass of water sends me skyrocketing up a couple pounds. The "false" gains and losses can be maddening. A week seems like a good timeline to at least get the ups and downs and use what you find as a tool. You may occasionally get a bad weigh-in. That is what I need to learn to work past. One bad weigh-in does NOT constitute failure.

So, tonight. Me vs. the scale. Maybe this time he and I can be friends...or at least like each other enough to smile and nod when passing each other in the hallway (aka: Bathroom).

Accountability Tuesday - Do or do not - there is no try.

2010-08-03T12:15:00.000-04:00

Well since I just fessed up about what my plan is I don't have much to report this week as far as accountability. I started Turbo Jam last night and will be going home to do night two tonight. One thing I noticed that I do a lot of is saying, "I'm planning on _______". I was thinking about that and I've decided in order for me to be successful I need to QUIT planning and start doing. So for the next week I am not going to "Plan" to do anything. In the words of Yoda, "Do or do not, there is no try". He was a smart little green guy.

So, this week I will complete the following goals:
1. Keep a food journal - every day. I can't expect to succeed if I don't know exactly what I am eating.
2. Think long and hard before I eat anything that is not on my plan and make it a conscience decision - not a random choice. Make the appropriate adjustments.
3. Make a plan for camping this weekend. The food issue is SOMEWHAT out of my hands - but I can control portions and take some fruit etc. with me to make sure I stay on track as best I can - offset any fall backs with a walk or a swim.
4. Get it all of my workouts and complete week one of Turbo Jam.

Now, if only I can convince my stomach that it just had lunch and doesn't need anything else to eat. Ugh! I hate days where I feel like that. I need to stick it out until it's afternoon snack time! (And maybe have that a little early!)

I'm baaaaaaack...

2010-08-02T21:49:00.004-04:00

Well, I have been inspired by a friend of mine that is blogging about her weight journey. Those that know me, should know that I am a huge advocate or journaling. It heals the soul I think and keeps you motivated and focused. I do journal nearly daily, but don't want to fixate in there about my weight loss struggles (more than I already do). So, I was going to start over with a new blog and remembered this one. I like it and like the title of it...so I thought I'd just resurrect this one. It helps me to have a topic to write on and I like the way I had this one formatted. Therefore, I will do that. I know I don't have many "readers" and I am okay with that. I may at some point go more "public" with it, but for now I just people I know and trust to read this.

For my reference here are my daily topics...

Manic Monday - recap of the weekend. Get focused

Accountability Tuesday - the good the bad and the ugly. Time to fess up.

Weekly Weigh-in Wednesday - You may not see the numbers, but I'll give the ups or downs or talk

Thursday Thoughts - Random thoughts or a weight loss/exercise topic I feel like expounding on.

Photo Friday - Sum up the week with a photo.

Weekend Warrior - If I am feeling extra motivated or have any other thoughts.

Anyway, so here I am. I'm back. Currently I am doing a nutrition plan developed by my nutritionist. As far as fitness, I started today Turbo Jam (a program I had from year's ago). I want to do P90X which I have and have started, but it is proving to be a HUGE challenge and I enjoy the cardio stuff much more. I am using 1 month of Turbo Jam in preparation for P90X and want to start P90X after Labor Day and finish by mid-December. That will be my Christmas gift to me. Meeting my goals.

Manic Monday - Needing a break from my weekends

2009-07-06T13:28:00.002-04:00

Another action packed weekend, filled with family and friends. We haven't been out to my in-laws since Easter I believe (we've seen them since then, just haven't been out to visit). It was a very nice weekend. We got out to their house Thursday night after we went to a baseball game. Friday morning I met an ex-co-worker at the gym out there and did Bosu and Power Pump (weight lifting). It was one heck of a work out! Friday night we grilled and had a small birthday celebration for my father-in-law (whose birthday is this coming Thursday). Saturday, I met my friend at the gym AGAIN and lifted and did some cardio. How good am I having done 2 workout while out of town. I am SO proud.

Saturday afternoon and evening was a picnic and visiting with everyone. I kept myself busy playing ladder golf, bocce and washers and tried to stay away from the food to avoid grazing. It was a success. I ate just what I was planning on eating and felt good about that.

Sunday we came home again. My plan was go get to the gym that afternoon, but I did fail at that. I was still SO sore from Bosu I thought my shoulders were trying to separate from the rest of my body. I was tired and had been fighting a cold, so I decided a break was in order.

All in all it was a great weekend and I made good positive choices that I am proud of. Looking forward to the week ahead and a low-key weekend coming up.

Photo Friday - Happy Fourth

2009-07-03T13:22:00.000-04:00

I did a Bosu class today with a past co-worker and friend. It's been years since I did Bosu. I thought since I have been working out regularly I would be find. It kicked my ass! I think to be successful at Bosu you need to be the age of the girls in the above photo. OUCHIE!

Thursday Thoughts - Mostly non-weight/diet related

2009-07-02T13:13:00.001-04:00

I am becoming darn near obsessed with the scale and making sure it's moving. This tends to be NOT good. I think about it a lot anyway...I just don't need to think of it non-stop. So here are my thoughts today and I am keeping it non-weight/diet related...

1. I am so ready for a nice 3-day weekend and some time away. Hoping it gives me so time to not worry about everything.
2. I often wished we owned instead of renting - that was until today when I found out they need to replace our A/C unit and I found out how much one of those things cost. OUCH! Glad it's not my expense for once :-)
3. We are currently working reduced hours at work (not working Fridays and NOT getting paid). It sucks for sure, but with some careful budgeting and planning I have made it work just fine and I have to say, there could be worse things that Fridays off during the summer. Look, if nothing else I am trying to stay somewhat positive about all of this. With Josh laid off and me on reduced hours/pay we have gotten to spend more time together and I am having a lot of fun with him. We are finding free or very low cost ways to entertain ourselves.
4. My goal for the week is to be more positive in general. I am surrounded by some very negative people in my professional life and I am sick of it quite frankly. I figure if I try to be more positive *see #3* maybe I can give off positive vibes and not have so much negativity in my life.

That's all! :-)

Weekly Weigh In - More of the same

2009-07-01T09:33:00.002-04:00

This week's weigh in reminded me of "The Facts of Life"...You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have The Facts of Life, The Facts of Life.

Now, I am not one to poo poo any sort of weight loss and I was down a half pound...I am still calling that the bad for this time. I worked HARD last week. The good being that in two weeks I was down 1.2% body fat, which means I really, truly am gaining muscle...which of course weighs more than fat. So I am hoping that starts to translate into WEIGHT LOSS!!! I am trying so hard not to become frustrated and while I have my moments I am holding my own I think. I have just determined no matter how damn stubborn that fat is, I am going to OUT stubborn in.

TAKE THAT FAT!!!

Manic Monday - Bachelors and brews

2009-06-29T10:08:00.001-04:00

Again, quick explanation....my plan on Monday's is to do a weekend recap and get my focus set for the week.

So, this weekend I got to participate in a time honored tradition of a bachelor party (no -ette, this was a party for my best male friend and we wanted me to come along). I had been looking forward to this as the group of guys we were going with included my hubby, the bachelors brother and several college friends. There were 7 of us all of whom I have known for better than 10 years. All week I was so focused on eating everything correctly and working out hard because any "cheating" that I was going to do was going to be done with beer on Saturday night.

It was a good weekend. Other than the night of drinking I did fine. Luckily for me, Sunday I was tired, but otherwise feeling up to snuff (ie: no hangover). I can't say as much for the rest of the group. Even before hitting the bars we had a good dinner and I got a nice fresh vegetarian entree....once again figuring all calories spent would be best spent on beer.

Life lesson #??? and note to stuff...you can enjoy these fun little life events (parties, weddings, etc.) and live like a normal person. As long as you make it an isolated incident and get back on track again. Make a plan and stick to it.

Photo Friday

2009-06-26T09:49:00.003-04:00

So, in keeping with my new theme days I am going to post photos on Fridays that sum up my week in just a few words.

This week I was very proud of myself and I feel empowered and thus I give you...

Thursday Thoughts

2009-06-25T13:49:00.000-04:00

In an effort to try to post more, (because: a). It keeps be motivated and b). I am a scrapbooker and like to remember things. Since I would probably not ever do a diet scrapbook, this will be my way of remembering this journey), I am trying to post more than just one time a week. Sometimes I have things to say and other times there is just not a lot going on. So Thursday is going to be my day for just random observations - notes to self if you will. Maybe I can come up with other clever things to do other days of the week. We'll see. Anyway, without any further ado...my Thursday thoughts:

1. I am wearing a t-shirt today (yes I can wear t-shirts to work, i normally don't, but there are 2 of us here today and no clients coming in). It is a size lower that what I normally wear. It is tighter than what I normally wear (not too tight though) and I actually am comfortable and I like the way it looks on me. Note to self: Buy clothes that fit tighter - it allows me and others to see my progress better than hiding in my clothes :-)

2. I think I am actually losing some belly (which is why #1 might be occurring as well). That is a very hard thing to judge. I need to take another progress picture soon. When I loose 5 more lbs I will do just that (in my tighter fitting clothing)

3. I feel really good right now. Motivated again and out of the May fog that seems to be an annual occurrence. Eating all my meals and snacks and doing so properly. I like this feeling. It is a feeling of being in control of me. Even today after only getting maybe 3.5 hours of sleep I feel good and I am still going to the gym.

4. Being in control of me and what food enters me translates into being control of other things in my life - also a contributing factor to number 3.

I think that's all my thoughts...for this week at least. Can't give 'em all away at one time!

Weekly Weigh-In

2009-06-24T12:30:00.000-04:00

Last night was my appointment. After making some changes this past week in some of what I ate and the way in which I was working out I was please. Down 2 pounds. Better...much better. Heck at this point I will take any loss I can get. I am really REALLY sick of bouncing around and going back and forth. Some more changes this week. Apparently I need to keep my body guessing. This week I am doing a "Heavy Week" as my trainer called it. I am going to add weight to everything and see how well I can do. I predict muscle soreness.

I found a good article on WebMD about moving through a weight loss plateau. http://www.webmd.com/diet/features/10-ways-to-move-beyond-a-weight-loss-plateau
Not that I have a lot a readers, but this blog is really more for me and if anyone finds this stuff interesting so be it :-)

The good news is (now bare with me this is going to sound weird), I am starting to feel hungry more often again. That normally means my metabolism is starting to hum along again, so yay for that. Hopefully it continues to show.

Onward and downward! (Weight Watchers is at least good for their cheesy sayings) :-)

What have you done today?

2009-06-18T12:47:00.000-04:00

This season of Biggest Loser is the first season I have watched from start to finish and I LOVED it! I will watch this show from now on for as long as it airs. I wish I would have watched the previous seasons. This morning the theme song popped into my head. I am terrible with remembering words and I was thinking it was "What have you done today to make me feel proud?" I wanted to look up the words to the song and it turns out I was wrong. The chorus is :

What have you done today to make you feel proud?
It's never too late to try
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
You could be so many people
If you make that break for freedom
What have you done today to make you feel proud?

I think it is funny that I mistook the "you" for "Me" and it makes a huge difference. Also, it is so indicative of probably my major flaw. I think I may have mentioned this before, but I am a pleaser...I never want anyone upset with me, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, I want to do what I think other people want me to do, I don't let others know when I am upset (an issue after you've been through a life altering loss) and I don't like to say "no" to people (don't worry I can "Just Say No" to life harming things...but anything else probably not. *my mom will agree with all of the above - I think she recognizes this more than anybody* This mindset makes me worry, loose sleep and has most definitely lead to weight gain for me. After Aaron's death the one thing I did get a lot better at was saying no. I just learned I couldn't do as much as I used to and I think I still do better with that. I pick and choose the things I really want to do and was thinking that fixed the issue, but the whole need to please thing is still there.

Okay, so tangent over and back to my point about the song. I thought the words were "What have you done today, to make me feel proud" when in fact they are "What have you done today, to make YOU feel proud". As I said before it's a big difference. This whole weight loss thing need to be on MY terms, to make MYSELF feel proud. I don't have to do this to make other people proud. More importantly, I can tell people what I can and can't eat and not just eat whatever they set in front of me. I can make the decisions of what I put in my mouth. I'm not going to rock any boats by refusing to eat something or bringing my own food somewhere. I don't have to go out to restaurants with people...maybe invite them over for a game night instead. I may have said all this before, but I feel like I need to keep reminding myself.

Oddly enough a one word misunderstanding may have just given me a major break through. From now on I am going to do something everyday that makes ME feel proud!

My proud moment from yesterday: I ran on the treadmill (alternating walking and running) and then hit the elliptical can got 35 min. of cardio in. Even if I got home a little later than normal, Josh was fine waiting for me for dinner and did not mind a bit!

Getting my mojo back.

2009-06-17T15:33:00.000-04:00

So, it's been a lot longer than I have intended between posts. What can I say, it was May. I was in a funk dealing with all the emotions that go along with the late April through early June. I find myself wondering how many years this is going to happen. I guess the answer would be indefinitely. Will it get better? I am sure it will get easier, but it will probably always be there. Starting last week I felt like I was getting glimpses of my "normal" self *insert joke about how NOT normal I am here* After a good night of sleep on Saturday I was feeling like myself again. Josh even noticed right away. It's odd...just as fast as the fog comes over me it can be gone.

I kept the eating and exercise up pretty well throughout the month *dare I say I am developing good habits?*. Of course throw a bout of shingles and a vacation into the mix and it's a recipe for disaster. Luckily, I was only a couple pounds up and it is coming off again *hopefully as I type this*. I've been bouncing back and forth, BUT now I have my mojo back and I am ready to rock this thing. According to my trainer last night this funk may have been well timed. He said after so many weeks going at it hard you body will just need a break and I have had some time off (when I had shingles then followed by 1 week of vacation). Both times I got back into it as soon as possible. Regardless, I am BACK baby!

GAME ON!

Weekly Weigh-In - May 5

2009-05-07T13:17:00.000-04:00

Okay, so it was a rough couple weeks, but I got through the walk and Aaron's Birthday and it wasn't so bad. May continues to be a rough month in general, but I have until the 31st before I get hit by the anniversary of his death. I think in certain aspects I am doing better than last year and some are worse. I seem to be more weepy this year, BUT this is the first year in a couple that I have not been on meds. I do have a herbal supplement that my chiropractor recommended that does help a lot and I can take it only when needed so that is good. On the plus side on Aaron's birthday after going to the memorial garden where his ashes were put and then out to lunch I actually did something for ME and went to the gym. That is something I can PROMISE you I have never done in the past and it actually felt very good. I am glad to be able to say that on May 31st (the anniversary of his death) I am going to be on vacation at the beach no less and it should be a very nice peaceful place to be.

Anyway, back to the subject at hand. I had a small bit of a plateau and small gain during the past two weeks, BUT thankfully this week I am right back on track! In fact I lost 5 POUNDS this week. I really needed that. I was feeling pretty down on myself and that focused me right in again - so woo hoo for hard work and good timing. Hopefully the losing keeps coming.

Weekly Weigh In - April 22

2009-04-22T13:29:00.000-04:00

Well, my first 12-weeks of the program are officially up. Now for the grand tally...I have lost 28 lbs. and 6% body fat. NOT TO SHABBY! My reward...a new work out program - what else! For all your hard work....here's some HARDER work. Just kidding. I am looking forward to it. Starting this week I am doing 5 weight workouts per week and at LEAST 6 cardio. I know you are all SO jealous. The catch with the weights is that is is one body part per day so it should not take me as long...good right? Sure, but because my weights won't take as long I am expected to up my cardio. Phew....I am tired just thinking about it.

So now I am officially on my 2nd 12 week session. We set a goal of another 30 lbs and 8% more body fat. If I make that goal I will be in the acceptable range for body fat. AMAZING! I know I can do this. I can taste it...(Wait does that cost me calories???)....maybe I should just SMELL it.

Like Clockwork

2009-04-16T12:14:00.000-04:00

Well, it all started up again yesterday. It's amazing how I can actually forget what it feels like. My mom reminded me that every year for the past 2 years it starts right around the 15-16. The 16th is when I started getting sick and it seems that my body does not want to let me forget it. It's not like I am in a full on depression my comes in other forms. I get crabby and FORGETFUL!!! That's my first clue is the forgetfulness. Yesterday I left the house sans lunch, purse AND sneakers (which I did not realize until I got to the gym and got changed). At that point I had pretty much had enough of everything and opted to go home and have some "me" time. I know I made the correct decision. I feel MUCH better today.

I am getting myself back on track here and as much as I'd like to eat chocolate and go home and curl up on the couch at the end of the day I am not going to do it. I am going to power through all of this and keep on my routine, because I know I can this year. I don't think I could have said that the past two years - so I guess that is progress.

Weekly Weigh In - Catching up

2009-04-13T09:32:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I did not weigh in today (thank goodness)...but I have not posted after my last two. I am slacking I know. So the last two weeks resulted in a 2 pound loss and then a 1.5 pound loss. I am sitting right at 29.5 pounds lost. I was hoping that this week I would hit 30, but I have a feeling Easter may have different plans in store for me. I did really good up until Friday. Decided to take a little break on Saturday and then started getting back on track on Sunday (notice I said STARTED!). Regardless, today I am back baby.

It reminds me of what a previous Weight Watchers leader once said. "It's a holiDAY...not a holiWEEK." But it was HOLY week which could be mistaken for holiWEEK....I digress. I really only had about 1.5 days "off track", but my off track now is a LOT different than previous off track. I used to get off track and head straight for a derailment. Not this time. Full focus starts again today.

Still heading into a very emotional time of year (see Baby on Your Six blog). I have been okay so far, but feel like I am waiting for that major breakdown. It's almost starting to feel weird that it hasn't come yet. I guess that is a good thing. Not that this makes a whole lot of sense to anyone but me (or those that have been there), but sometimes me NOT being upset makes me MORE upset. Ugh! I can't win. But, I am doing this without meds this year and feeling better about myself overall. Hopefully the exercise will continue to be my way to get my emotions out.

Weekly Weigh In March 23

2009-03-24T13:18:00.000-04:00

Well, due to some scheduling conflicts etc. I had to reschedule my normal Tuesday meeting with my trainer and meet him on Monday. I weighed in last night and was down another pound. Good news. The "bad" news...he think we need to "mix it up and shock my body" so that we really get it moving again. I am 99% on board to (I'll get to the other 1% soon). I was actually right on the same page as him. In fact last week I *drumroll please* started running. A word I never acutally thought I would say. I thought running was worse than those 4-letter words. Anyway, he told me last night that he was actually going to broach the "R" word with me and was thrilled I had already started. I am his star pupil (he told me so and I will give you his number to confirm if you don't believe me!!! :-) It's....okay just kidding). So this week coming up is all about shaking things up.

As for the 1% that I am not quite on board with....he wants me to try one morning a week (for now) getting up early and doing my cardio in the morning. Ummm....yeah. That means I would need to get up by 5:15 - get to the gym by 5:30 - back home by 6:25 - eat, shower and leave for work. Here's the thing...I am SO not a morning person (ask my husband - I will give you HIS number to). I am just not. But I am going to try it. Tomorrow morning in fact. All because I have a March of Dimes meeting tomorrow night....so me getting up early is for a good cause - Right? RIGHT!? More tomorrow on how it goes. Wish me luck!

Weekly Weigh-In

2009-03-17T22:14:00.000-04:00

Well this week was better...much better. I am down 3 pounds and that means I am down 21 pounds total. Yay! So this week I will be posting more again. Last week I was in a bit of a funk and it was partly because OBSESSED with the scale. I mean seriously, any time I was near our bathroom I was stepping on the darn thing. I don't know why. All that does is screw with your head. It is amazing in one day how much your weight can fluctuate. Some days I swear it was 5 pounds or more. I am going to put it in the closet and hide it. I really am.

I really got into this season of "The Biggest Loser" and it is such a great show. I mean those people work out 8 hour a day and the past 2 weeks someone has gained a pound or more...inexplicably. It does not make sense. That is why you need to step back and think about how you feel. I feel better than I have in a long time and I am ready to continue this journey.

Weekly Weigh-In

2009-03-12T21:34:00.000-04:00

Okay, so it's a little later than normal. That's because it was not exactly the weigh in that I was expecting. I was up one pound. Which was very frustrating because I worked out as like normal and was good about eating. I was very disappointed...in fact I cried. CRIED?! You may say. Yes, I will admit it. At my appointment, we were talking. See, I had just gotten my...monthly "gift"...that day. We were pretty sure that is what caused the gain...that is what I also believe caused the CRYING. Regardless, by the end of the appointment I was over it more or less and ready to move on to a new week. Looking forward to a better one next week for sure.

What was it this time?

2009-03-09T19:06:00.000-04:00

Last week at my weekly weigh-in, we were talking and I was asked what made it different for me this time. I think it could be any number of things. God knows, I have tried this all before. I think first it is that I am enjoying the "BodyLift" program and it is not hard to follow. Secondly, I am going to be 30 and I just decided I am not going to spend my 30's overweight. Third, and perhaps the most motivating at this moment is that I want to try to have another baby. In order for me to feel safe to do so - I want to loose some weight first. (See Baby on Your Six for all the details). Not that I was told to by doctors or anything, but they said that it certainly cannot hurt. I am prepared to do anything it takes to have a healthy pregnancy when the time comes around. Ultimately, this time I am doing all of this for ME. For MY health, MY future, MY appearance. I just want it this time....I really do.

Something Motivating.

2009-03-05T12:56:00.000-05:00

The other day I put on facebook about my loss so far. I got a lot of really nice motivating comments. One thing a friend told me to do is find something that is as heavy as the weight I have lost so far and lift that to see how much it really is. That made me think. I have lost 18 pounds. When I am at the gym lifting there are some exercises where 15 pounds is a tough workout for me. Some exercises I still do with 10 lbs. And I lost 3-8 MORE than that already! That is pretty motivating.

One of these days I am going to post some progress pictures. I was going to take one last night and forgot. Maybe this weekend.

Weekly Weigh In.

2009-03-04T12:18:00.000-05:00

So, I was feeling a bit under the weather the past couple days and that made me a little nervous. Yes, nervous. See I was already feeling like I was hitting that "dieting wall" and then I got sick. Of course it was a stomach bug to, thus having me eat things I wouldn't normally be eating. I told myself I would do what I needed to do to get better and then get back on track right as soon as I could. I did just that. I was nervous last night a my weekly weigh in. I had been a little off and missed a workout. Well, it worked out okay because I LOST 3 POUNDS!!! That is 18 pounds in 6 weeks. WOW!!!

I talked to the guy I work with and he told what I did was perfect. After all this is not a diet. This is me learning to eat correctly for the rest of my life. And I will get sick, have birthday cake, celebrate holidays etc. I need to learn that all of that is okay - do it and get back on track.

Regardless it worked out great! 3 more pounds - 18 total and a whole bunch of motivation back!

Weight Loss Secret Revealed???

2009-02-27T14:48:00.001-05:00

Ok, so this story was in the LA Times this week (as well as highlighted elsewhere. Apparently a study was done that shows that it doesn't matter WHAT diet you do....the key is calories. *SMACKS HEAD* I was pretty sure, maybe I am wrong, but I thought THAT was a fundamental of Weight Loss 101. Calories in needs to be LESS than calories out in order for you to loose weight. Well now we have a study to PROVE this.

While, it doesn't matter what "diet" you do, I have always thought it was important that you do something that has longevity. I mean come on....are you really going to eat cabbage soup every day for the rest of your lives...how about no carbs?...How long can you just eat meat, cheese and eggs before you want to puke? A "diet" that isn't something you can imagine yourself doing NEARLY every day is not going to work. Sure you may loose 25 lbs., but I bet you gain back 30 of it. It is becoming apparent to me that this whole weight loss thing is not a quick fix....you need to change your life...and as this new revolutionary study shows us you need to eat less calories!

Hitting a diet wall

2009-02-26T21:23:00.000-05:00

Anyone that has ever been on a diet knows what it is like when you hit a wall. I think it comes it 2 forms. Either a weight loss plateau or when your old habits seem to want to take over. Right now I am just not quite feeling it. I've been HERE time and time again and this time I am not going to let it take over.

I picture it as an internal battle. It's like your bad habits know that you are trying to get rid of them and they are trying their hardest to stick around. Meanwhile your NEW habits are trying to mark their territory and conquer the bad habits.

HERE'S the difference. Every other time I have let the bad habits creep back...it started slowly, but sure enough they crept back. This time I am committed to realizing this is happening and fighting it. I am guessing it should only take a week or so until the funk goes away. I KNOW this to shall pass!

Weekly Weigh In

2009-02-25T22:20:00.001-05:00

I weighed in last night officially and I am down another 4 pounds. Yay! It is still going well. I have tried a lot of programs or diets and I think this is the first one where I actually lost for 5 consecutive weeks. It is amazing what happens when you really set your mind to in.

That means I am down 15 pounds in 5 weeks. The goal we set at the beginning of the program was 30 pounds in 12 weeks so I am on track so far.

Today ended up being an unexpectedly busy day, but it still went well. I did not get to the gym, but for some reason it seems as if Wednesday is becoming my day off at the gym. Especially if we are going to be home on the weekend. I am a little worried about this weekend because it is shaping up to be a very busy one. I will probably make my plan o attack tomorrow.

Here's to another good week!

Why?

2009-02-24T13:16:00.000-05:00

On another blog that I read the author was discussing why people are overweight? There were a lot of different answers...one person thought it was a matter of willpower, other people thought food is just a comfort thing. I think that for every person it is so incredibly different. For me I think willpower is part of it. But there are 2 things that I think are much bigger than that (for ME). First, I think a part of it is emotions. I am (hopefully WAS) and emotional eater. Obviously, since 2006 I have been on an emotional roller coaster. Right after Aaron died (see Baby on Your Six), I lost a good bit of weight right off the bat. I wasn't eating much (surprisingly) and I was doing some cardio tapes to work out my stress. I think I lost like 30 lbs. Then I started learning to deal with the depression and out of control feelings and started eating instead of doing all of the good stuff, and *viola* here I am today.

But I wasn't exactly the perfect weight before all of that. I think the reason for that is, I just didn't KNOW how to eat correctly and I hated going to the gym. I ate what tasted best to me and we all know that is really what is GOOD for you. The program I am doing now is teaching me not only what and how to eat but WHY certain things work better etc. Knowing is half the battle. Also, the guy I mean with gives me gym routines (lifting and cardio) and it's working. He is teaching me how to work out. I feel like when I go to the gym I have a purpose rather than wandering around aimlessly.

Phew....so there is my answer...a little longer that I expected, but none the less there it is.

A case of the Mondays

2009-02-23T16:04:00.000-05:00

Today was insanely busy at work. Friday was the same way. I was kind of worried about what would happen when my life got REALLY busy. It's when I get busy that I get out of routine. Everything becomes a rush and good habits tend to slide. This is entering a very busy and emotional time of year for me. It is March for Babies season and that always keeps me busy. I am also approaching the Anniversary of Aaron's birth and then death (See Baby on Your Six). I am a little nervous heading into all of this.

So far, these past couple days have proved that even if I am busy I can still make everything work. My eating has been right on track and so has my exercise. So, I can handle being busy. The emotional stuff will be my next challenge I suppose, but I think I can handle it. I am glad I started when I did, because I am hoping before the emotions kick in I have made everything else more of a habit. I am ready to do this!

Another weekend

2009-02-22T21:56:00.000-05:00

This weekend was much better than last. I didn't really do "bad" last weekend, but as I said then, I felt very out of sorts. This weekend I did not have that so much. I did get some pizza (the only thing I have been craving). And I only had it after I discussed it with the trainer I am working with. The thing was, it really wasn't that great. It was good enough while I was eating it, but made me not feel that great afterward. Lesson learned. I worked my butt off to have a slice to....Ah well.

I did take my day off at the gym today. I woke up with a sore throat and just felt icky and tired today. I decided to take it easy rather that force anything so that I feel better this week. I think that was the right decision.

Here's to a good week this week!

Weight Loss is Selfish

2009-02-20T11:49:00.000-05:00

I have determined losing weight require you to be selfish. That is all there is to it. There really is no nice way to say it. It takes time and effort. You need to be willing to say no to things. No to wing and beer night, no to meeting for coffee, no to working late, etc. Selfish might not be exactly the right word, but it's along those lines. I guess it's called "Taking time for yourself" something I guess I have never been that great at. I always put everyone else before myself. For the first time in a while I am putting myself first, which is why I feel somewhat selfish I suppose. Regardless, I don't care. Call it what you want - I am doing it and people are letting me get away with it. And guess what? Nobody yet has called me selfish.

So, if I say no to something, or show up with my own food or ask to meet you at a later time (so I can go to the gym first), I am not being rude or selfish. I am just taking time for me!

Weird things

2009-02-19T10:53:00.000-05:00

The past 24 hours or so have provided 3 weird things that I have noticed. None of them are really that big of a deal, but I don't have a whole lot else to say today.

1. Apparently when you lose weight one of the first places that you can really notice it in is your....feet. Or at least it seems to be that way to me. I think this is truly bizarre and really...of all places to lose weight that is probably one of the last places I am worried about. But, 3 pairs of shoes that I really like are getting too big. Of course they were wide width, so maybe I can actually get normal sizes when I actually decide to replace them. 2 pairs are still wearable, 1 pair I pretty much walk right out of (and of course they are my only pair of brown shoes - it couldn't have been a black pair!)

2. I took my day off from the gym last night. I felt out of sorts all night after that. And I was in a somewhat grumpy mood after work which I just couldn't shake. I am quite sure the gym gets me out of any funk that I seem to be it and *gasp* it has become ROUTINE. The reason I took off last night is because of weird thing #3...

3. My gym clothes are too big for me. To be fair I probably bought them a little big to begin with, but they are making me look bigger than I am. I went to the Outlets in Chocolate Town. The were closed! Yes, apparently a quick 5 min. shower of sleet shuts down stores. Their posted hours were 9:30 Am - 9pm. We got there at 6:50 I believe. You would think we live in Florida or something. The roads were FINE!

Weekly Weigh In.

2009-02-18T10:43:00.001-05:00

Last night was my weekly weigh-in. I have broken the habit of trying to weigh myself in between or weighing every day at home. It is SO not worth the mental anguish. The thing is your weight can fluctuate more times a day then you hear talk of the stimulus package (or as I like to call it Congressional Relief Action Program or C.R.A.P).

Anyway *drumroll please* I am down another pound. I will NEVER say just one pound. A pound is a pound. Regardless, I am starting to see a difference. Other people are commenting on my weight loss and I look and feel better all over. Plus my body fat percentage was down. I am pleased.

In fact earlier this week, I thought something was really wrong. I found what I thought was a lump on my hip. I made my husband check it out. After he examined it he started to laugh. He shook his head and informed me that I had in fact found my hip bone and that I had nothing to worry about. Phew.

Onward and downward!

Becoming a Gym Warrior???

2009-02-17T08:45:00.000-05:00

Cue the 80's song, "I Am A Warrior"...in fact I think it is on my MP3 player. Regardless, I am going to the gym very regularly. More so than I have been in a long time. That happens when my trainer says I need to do 4 days of weights and 5 days of cardio. That means lots of gym time. But what is weird...I realized last night that I am actually enjoying myself. Hmmm....a good time a the gym????? I think my body has been taken over.

This past week I started adding in free weights rather that just the circuit machines. I learned a couple things this week. Free weights are DEFINITELY more difficult. They make my stomach and everything a little sore afterwords. My sister and brother-in-law explained that this is due to the fact that you need to stabilize with your core muscles while doing free weights. (See I AM becoming a gym warrior...I know all of these fancy words!!!) The other thing I learned is that men while doing said weights are quite funny. They all try to show each other up and walk around with their arms out at their side and their chest out and up. It is actually quite entertaining. At first I was very intimidated by them and did not want to work out in that area. I decided I would just do my thing and get out of their way. Then I realized no matter what they look like they can be just as insecure as me. And guess what....they don't bite.

Support

2009-02-16T13:09:00.000-05:00

I have learned over the past couple years how much support of family and friends really mean to me. The second Aaron was born (see Baby on Your Six Blog), we had an out pouring of love and support. While he was in the hospital I don't think I ever had to cook, people gave us meals. I could dedicate all my time to him and trying to take care of myself in between. It meant the world to me. The fact that I didn't have to do or think about anything else. People also gave us some financial support - gas cards, Wawa cards, grocery store gift cards...it goes on and on. I was suddenly out of work MONTHS before I expected to be and it was just what we needed. After he passed away, it was a different kind of support, but not a day went by where someone didn't call to check in or mail a card to us or just let us know they were praying for us. It was all of that support that got me through all of it.

Support while you are trying to lose weight is also so important. When I first started this program I thought I would just not tell anyone I was doing it. I have done the same before (and failed before mind you). I decided maybe this time would need to be different. I started telling people or at least key people in my life. My husband obviously, my mom, my sister, mother-in-law, some co-workers and friends. I have noticed recently that them knowing about it and supporting me through this is having an immeasurable effect. They check in with me, tell me that they see a difference (whether they do or not is a different story), tell me they are proud of me etc. And guess what...IT HELPS!

I am very lucky to have the support system that I have and I can do this with their support....I know it!

Weekends

2009-02-15T21:31:00.000-05:00

Weekends. Something we all look forward to. A threat to dieters everywhere. Don't get me wrong. I love weekends as much as the next person, however the reasons that I love weekends are the same reasons they can be a pitfall for dieters. Weekends get you out of your routine. You have more free time and no schedule to follow. Great in every aspect except when you get in the grove dieting. The week, at least for me, provides a regular schedule. I have my meals and snacks at a certain time. I get up at the same time every day. I go to the gym at pretty much the same time every day. On the weekend I can still get it all to work, but it just takes more planning.

This weekend I did pretty well, I felt a bit out of sorts and I did not plan ahead as much as I should have for every situation. Last weekend I was actually out of town and felt I did a little better than this weekend. Regardless, as cliche as it sounds I have learned if I do get off track I need to just recognize that and get back on as soon as possible. Bring it on weekends. I am ready for you :-)

Introduction

2009-02-12T14:16:00.000-05:00

I have done Weight Watchers more times than I care to count. It works, then I figure out how to milk the system and eventually just give up. Last year I tried meeting with a nutritionist. That worked to for a while, but she had me making some very drastic changes and it got to be a little too much. After a LONG discussion with my husband I am trying a new program that is run through our gym. It is called Body Lift. The program is both nutritional counseling as well as teaching me how to work out. It is a 12 week program (which I can then repeat).

So far so good. I am entering into my 4th week and I have made up my mind that I am doing this. I don't know what happened but something in me snapped. I feel motivated and focused. I have already had 2 weekends that were out of the norm for me and I survived those both. Usually those type of weekends can derail my efforts completely. Officially on the program I have lost 8 lbs (2, 1, 5 each week). Really, since my initial consultation I am down 10 lbs. I am feeling great. I am going to the gym regularly. Perhaps and alien has taken over my body. I think it has more to do with the fact that I am starring down 30 and have decided enough is enough.

I am going to use this blog to journal my successes, struggles, and anything else that I feel like talking about along the way. It's the good, bad and UGLY of weight loss.